This past week I've been going through the script with an editor's eye, looking for scenes that are extraneous or that don't quite fit into the proper narrative of the greater story being told. I thought I'd share one that I decided to edit out this week. These pages never made it to the version of the script that Tom is working from, he's never seen them before either.
So here you go, catch you on the other side of these script pages...
PAGE
FIFTY-TWO
PANEL
ONE
FLASHBACK
SCENE. Let's color this monotone to give it a different look/feel
than the rest of the book and to help signify that it's a
dream/memory sequence.
Night.
We're on top of a cliff overlooking a rock quarry. A grassy patch of
dirt with a blanket, some crumpled beer cans, and TEENAGE VERSIONS OF
ELECTRICIA and LOVER BOY. They're dressed like normal kids. Lover Boy, bone skinny as a teen, has the same sense of style and mullet.
But
the weird thing is there's a large chunk of glowing machinery embedded in the ground nearby. And all that stuff I described above?
It's been blown to hell and back as if that chunk of machinery crashed to the earth here.
Electricia and Lover Boy are
semi-conscious, sprawled out near one another.
NO DIALOGUE
PANEL
TWO
Closer
angle on Lover Boy and Electricia, still sprawled out near each other on
the ground.
LOVER
BOY: Jenn?
LOVER
BOY: Told you I'd--I'd make the earth move.
ELECTRICIA:
...Uhhhhh...
PANEL
THREE
A
different angle. We can see Electricia, prone, in the foreground.
From this new angle, in the background, about twenty feet away from E and Lover Boy, Electricia's DAD jumps out of a pick up truck.
Good
looking, rugged guy. 90's hair/clothes.
DAD:
JENNIFER!
PANEL
FOUR
Dad
kneels next to his daughter, checking for a pulse. Lover Boy is
sitting up nearby, woozy.
DAD:
Can you hear me, Jenn? It's DAD, I'm here.
LOVER
BOY: Mister Bellino, it's not my fault. That thing, it came out of the sky.
LOVER
BOY: Head feels weird. I think I'm gonna puke.
PANEL
FIVE
Close
on Dad, angry, whirling to face Lover Boy.
DAD:
Dobiejko! I knew I'd find you with her.
DAD:
How many times have I told you to stay AWAY from my daughter?!
PAGE
FIFTY-THREE
PANEL
ONE
A
different angle on Dad and Lover Boy. He's grabbing Lover Boy by the
arm, screaming in his face.
Lover
Boy is twisting away, eyes clenched as if he has the world's worst
headache.
DAD:
You think you can just IGNORE the RESTRAINING ORDER? You're going to JAIL
this time, boy.
LOVER
BOY: Takes—takes two to tango, chief.
PANEL
TWO
Close
on Lover Boy, eyes scrunched in pain, but still an asshole.
LOVER
BOY: You should tell your precious little baby to stay away from ME.
Girl can't get ENOUGH of my stuff.
LOVER
BOY: Now stop YELLING, my head is killing me.
PANEL
THREE
Dad
rolls up his sleeves. Lover Boy is doubled over, grimacing.
DAD:
What did you just say to me?
LOVER
BOY: I said...
PANEL
FOUR
Close
on Lover Boy. Red energy is exploding from his eyes as he uses his powers for the very first time.
LOVER BOY: GO TAKE A FLYING LEAP.
PANEL
FIVE
In
the foreground, the glowing machinery.
Middle
ground, Dad walks past Electricia, still semi-conscious in the dirt,
on his way to the edge of the cliff.
He
looks pretty freaked out.
DAD: Jenn, I—
DAD: I can't control my legs.
PANEL
SIX
A panoramic shot of the rock quarry. At the top, tiny, silhouetted, we see Electricia's Dad jumping off.
DAD: HELP!!
So there you have it. A deleted scene that both a) suggests how Electricia and Lover Boy got their powers and b) shows how Electricia's father died when she was a teenager, an event that put her firmly on the path to becoming the villain that she grows up to become.
Why did I delete them? I liked the reveal that Lover Boy and Electricia knew each other in their younger days but I felt they distracted too much from the narrative thrust of the main story. I guess it just didn't feel necessary to include. We don't NEED to know how Electricia got her powers or how her father died to understand who she is or where she's at in life. I mean, you guys kinda know now and maybe that'll add a little subtext when you read the graphic novel but for anyone that misses it, they're not really missing anything.
Plus it's less for Tom to draw.
If any artists in our group want to take a crack at drawing those two pages of script, Tom and I would be glad to show the pages on the blog and give you a special shout out and some recognition. If you're inclined, have a good time!
That's all for this week. Notice I didn't even mention the inauguration?
That's all for this week. Notice I didn't even mention the inauguration?
Thanks for your time and support.
Keith
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